Rika Sushi Toyota Rodriguez Johnson From Japan
by deadtodd
Summary: Robin finds himself victim of a story containing love, loss, and adventure while searching for the magic- Nah, I'm BSing. He's just being tortured by some poorly crafted Mary Sue. Poor kid. Superboy/Robin


**Grimmy:**_ Those of you who are easily offended or value your sanity should turn back now. This is the best fic I have ever, EVER, written._

Robin frowned as he observed his surroundings. He thought about just what had happened last night when he went to bed. He didn't remember anything out of the ordinary so why was he naked and tied up.

"HI!"

He screamed only to realize that a bright red ball was currently lodged in his mouth, held in place by a thick black strap wrapped around his head. Some sort of freakish creature was standing over him. The first thing he noticed were the large, extremely disproportional breasts. They were practically slapping him across the face. Not to mention one was noticeably larger than the other. And were those... Those things... They looked like waffle cones.. Those couldn't be it's nipples, could they?

He almost puked. Next was the creatures face. The eyes were extremely large and he had the strangest urge to describe them as 'desu'. Where that came from he didn't know, especially since he'd never heard that word, EVER! They shone like hot pink glitter and covered most of the thing's forehead and ended halfway down it's cheeks.

As far as he could tell the thing didn't have a nose or lips... It was just a thin line. Perhaps that was how the thing breathed, seeing as how it didn't have a NOSE. It's long, sharp hair spiked out at dangerous angles. He was glad he had on his mask. Maybe it would somehow prevent him from being stabbed viciously in the eye.

And speaking of eyes... His dark hair kept falling in the way of his. Perhaps it was time for a trim...

"I SAID HELLO ROBBIE! I'm Rika Sushi Toyota Rodriguez Johnson transfered here from JAPAN." So it was that thing speaking. It pressed it's suddenly very round cheek against his and rubbed back and forth so hard that he was sure he'd get skin burn. Then it giggled, a high pitched whiny noise that suddenly made him feel like taking out years of pent up aggression on the thing's face. It radiated USELESSNESS and he was glad he didn't have anyone like that on the team.

...

Wait a second. That thing had ears. Not human ears. But two large purple, blue tipped, rainbow glitter covered cat years were sitting on the top of it's head. And they twitched... Robin was pretty sure that burning feeling in his throat was stomach acid. What the fuck was this thing?

The thin line on the thing's face curved downwards. "I forgot you're wearing that gag." The hideous creature, obviously born from the mind of a very ignorant twelve year old, then turned into a wolf. A big wolf. One with dramatically long white fur, black spots on its sides, bright purple stripes on its muzzle, and the bluest eyes Robin had ever seen. Robin had a feeling that this thing would die if it were to ever try and survive in nature. "NO MATTER! YOU WILL STILL BE MY MAT-"

Robin shuddered as he watched Superboy crash through the ceiling of the room and deliver a fierce blow to the wolf-thing's neck. He had a feeling that the thing was going to say something along the lines of mating season is in session. He squirmed against his restraints, desperate to join the poorly constructed battle sequence in progress but author of the story had made it so wolf-thing tied him down with all sorts of chains and unbreakable shit. _'What a bitch.'_

Somehow the wolf-thing didn't die from Superboy's initial blow, which was just stupid since he could probably pick up a fucking sky scraper. The wolf-thing bit down into Superboy's rugged and manly arm only to have all it's teefs, no that isn't a typo, break off. It should have known better than to do something so stupid. Then again it was created by a twelve year old girl still attached to the beliefs that Draco Malfoy would someday love her, Gothic and Satanist were all kul, and that cutting solved everything.

Superboy grabbed the wolf-thing and began to repeatedly punch it in the ribcage, snapping all of it's ribs and causing them to puncture ALL of it's vital organs. But some how the wolf-thing lived on. And apparently it could fly. One large angel wing sprouted from its back leg while some sort of punctured and ragged bat wing spawned from the other. How grotesque.

Robin sighed. This was getting annoying and he wasn't getting nearly enough attention. The wolf-thing crashed into the wall next to him and Robin's blue eyes widened behind his carefully placed mask when he realized that Superboy was shooting it. _'OF COURSE!'_ Everyone knew the only way to defeat nature was to use man's real best friend. The beloved tactical shotgun. Good ol' shotty always aided those in need.

Superboy stopped after a while, breathing heavily and looking rather angry. He casually walked over to Robin and ripped the gag from his mouth. _'The back of my head is going to hurt in the morning for sure.' _He leaned in closer and began working on the many knots and chains. And before Robin knew what he was doing, he leaned forward and kissed the clone. On the lips. Rather forcefully too.

He pulled away with a relieved sigh and smiled sheepishly. The clone, however, looked extremely confused and the lightest of blushes settled on his perfectly sculpted cheeks. "S'rry man. That terrifying incident made me gay for, oh, about five seconds." Superboy just huffed and nodded. But that was okay. Everything was okay now. Now that the nameless OC was dead. As soon as he was free Robin hugged Superboy in the manliest way he could manage.

Which was basically him wrapping his legs around the larger boy's waist and his arms around his neck.

**Grimmy:**_ OH MAI GAWD! WUZN'T THAT CHAPTUR KUL! MAI WULF GIRL IS THA BES! I WON'T UPDATE THIS HURR FIK, **WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE A FUCKING ONESHOT**, IF I DUN GET TEN REVIOUS1!12!_

_Yep. I went there. I totally just bashed a majority of the Mary Sues on the fucking site(ALL OVER, NOT JUST IN THE YJ ARCHIVES FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK THIS SITE IS JUST RESTRICTED TO THIS SECTION). And you know, it felt really good. Keep this in mind that I don't really care for Mary Sues. They're your's and you can do as you please with them. Just know that I won't be reading about them. The same goes for SUGOI DESUDESU NEE-CHAN I'M A NEKO characters and for furries. It's just whatever dude. Some people like those things, but I'm one of the ones who DON'T. _

_On that note, it's like there's an abundance of OH EM GEE I'M DIFFERENT BECAUSE I AM A WULF GIRL FROM JAPAN stories popping up EVERYWHERE. So please, don't think you're special and that I'm trying to 'troll' your fic in particular. These are just some things about OC's that my friends and I find funny and easy to make fun of. Don't be so srs. _

_ANYWAYS, I dedicate this to my good buddy Snorlax. She is, after all, the main inspiration behind it. Any misspellings are intentional. _


End file.
